You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
