the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
