i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
