I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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