So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
