I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Enjoy the penises
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
