I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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