I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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