I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
