I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
