these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
