We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
