What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
