im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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