here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
