My nipple is on Facebook.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
