Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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