you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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