new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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