I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
