I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He literally asked permission to hit on me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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