I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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