I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
