Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
