put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
