apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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