I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
