I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
