we're chasing vodka with high fives
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
