I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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