My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
