if only i could text you this smell
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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