In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just puked most of my soul out..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
