That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
