I'm so fucking centered right now
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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