I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
