Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
