She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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