He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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