so explain again why im purple
no
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
