The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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