I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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