i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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