I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
