i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Pants 0. Shit 1.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
