just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
