Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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