big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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