Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize