We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize