I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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