I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life is pants optional.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
