My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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