I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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