dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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