Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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