Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
