So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
