My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
