I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
