He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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