took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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