i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
