Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
