it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
