I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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