Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
