I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
