you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
