Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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