it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
