Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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