You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
