I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
