I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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