I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
