Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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