Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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