Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
