She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
