She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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