It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
