Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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