I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
