what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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