Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize